Under The Shadow Of A Rumour Of A Fix.
DUM DUM DUM DE DUM! (That’s the drumming theme from the Terminator Films, incidentally.)
DUM DUM DUM DE DUM!
There are rumours flying around the internets today that Big Brother has somehow fixed the nominations by preventing two housemates from nominating, thus securing their own nominations for eviction. But more on that later.
The hellish housemates have to chop onions. The heavenlies have a lovely conversation about how to fix their teams ensuring that Luke, apparently, stays in heaven constantly. I still don’t know how Rex ended up with Dale and that gaggle of idiots, I really don’t. Nominations begin, and Dale nominated Mo Mohammed. “He is so greedy he jumped over the wall and took a banana. But one banana wasn’t enough, so he took lots of bananas, just took them, without thinking about the consequences.” But replace the word “banana” with Dale’s fancy word for A Woman Of Sexual Attraction, “Fanny”, and we have a night out with him: “Dale is so greedy he jumped over the wall and took a fanny. But one fanny wasn’t enough, so he took lots of fannies, just took them, without thinking about the consequences.”
Anyway, nominations continue apace and oh! Darnell and Mo Mohammed get votes at a rate of knots. I understand that Darnell is a hotpot of furious anger and is doing things that aren’t socially acceptable – TODAY HE KICKED SOME ONIONS IN ANGER! – and I think he’ll watch this and quiver, because it’s not good for him. By the time all the Heavenlies have nominated, Mo Mohammed and Darnell have 4 votes each. Anyone can see that they are heading for the vote, right? Amongst the housemates, I would be tempted to say that it’s a fix. Darnell nominates Bex and Luke and we should be seeing the start of another trend, with people on this side voting to get rid of the awful Coventry land-manatee and her tiny warped twig-man husband.
Back in the pool, Bex – speak of the devil and lo she doth appear – gets a tiny cut on her hand, screams like a harpee, claims she will “bleed to death” and “needs stitches” and just invokes all manner of demons with her guttural howling. This woman looks after children. What happens when they scrape their knees? They cry really loudly. This is the problem; she’s spent all her time with people for whom howling is socially acceptable. A cut on her hand leads to her wearing a sling and having to have a lie down. No joke. This is one of the most pathetic and embarrassing things that I have ever seen. And, as if by magic, she suddenly picks up a vote from Kat, along with Luke. Here’s the second trend!
Lisa nominates Rex and… Darnell. She doesn’t like his attitude and outbursts. I have to say, it’s fair enough. Darnell casually mentions the concept of heaven and hell voting together because of the dividing line between the house, and this makes Stuart burn his bra. I have to say, I don’t get this: Darnell’s right. It’s divided into friendship camps, makes sense they won’t vote for their friends, right? Mikey votes for Darnell – he’s definitely up for eviction, fact-fans, whatever occurs down the road – because of his slackened leadership skills. Mikey’s second nomination is for… Kat. Kat. Because she has shattered his eardrums. (Sensitive hearing, don’t forget.)
“How many nationalities do we have in the house?” asks Rex. “I’m part Irish,” says Lisa – like everyone else in the British isles – “Maybe that explains why I’m so mad, such a crazy character.” She IS crazy, eh? Never a dull moment there. “I love the Irish for going out partying with,” Rex says, stereotyping an entire nation into a bunch of drunkards and mentals. Well done, Rex. Mo Mohammed nominates Bex – that’s 4 for Bex, same as for Mo – and Stuart. He also asks if he can nominate Dale, despite knowing that he can’t. Why? Come on, Mo, get with the programme!
“I’m either extra nice or extra asshole,” Darnell says. TRUE DAT PLAYA. Kat lounges around in her romper thing like a giant baby. Have you seen Wall-E? Great film. In it, the human race are reduced to the status/stature of Giant swollen babies. Hm. Rachel nominates Luke and Bex. Big Brother man says that Darnell and Bex will definitely face the public vote. YES! We can get her out, right? To the loudest boos in Big Brother history! HUZZAH! Sara nominates Mo Mohammed and Rachel, meaning Mo definitely joins the nominations fray. A THREE WAY!
Hang on, so what’s the internet buzzing about? Well, in the live feed, after the nominations all happened Big Brother cancelled Mo, Darnell and Kat’s votes because they ate the bananas, and so Bex was no longer up for nomination. The Channel 4 forums exploded, and Big Brother swiftly did a u-turn. Where’s this on TV, BB? Why aren’t we seeing this U-turn? I know we can never have definitive proof of what occurs, but this is fucking ridiculous. It’s a bit of a farce, BB.
I have an idea for something to do with the Heaven and Hell: Daily tasks that the hellish ones all take part in with one winner. That winner can choose to swap with somebody in Heaven. It would be interesting to see who picked who etc. Sigh. This 4th quarter of the show is dull as all heck. Bex froths some beer, Mikey talks slowly, people go to bed. AND THEN BEX POUNCES ON LUKE! “Not on Dale’s Bed not on Dale’s bed not on Dale’s bed!” he shouts, knowing full well that Dale’s bed usually = rape. Instead she drags him to the pool and throws him in, getting pushed in herself by Stuart. Thanks, Stuart: more dripping wet saggy glands. GREAT.
And Darnell, Mo and Bex are up for eviction. Just like that, eh, BB? It’s that easy to reverse your decision? Well well well.
