Flat as a…
Luke and Bex are snogging/w8nking again. Good thing my trusty Buke (see what I did there?) bowl is standing near. Dale wakes up the heaven bedroom with rank kisses. Ugh. Darnell has a naked cold shower. “Oh my gosh, are you naked? Oh, Darnell,” says a scared Rachel. “Darnell is taking a naked shower. It’s disgusting,” says Luke. OK, Luke, how do you shower then? DRESSED? Disgusting. he says it’s a stunt, but I get the feeling it’s just the kind of thing Darnell does, you know? Rachel is doing a weird exercise dance. “She don’t eat enough protein,” says Kat, oddly.
Luke and Bex talk about her snog with Mo. “People won’t like me because of my reaction,” says Luke, and I can’t really fathom why. Luke and Bex go on about how Davina loves Kat. Eh? “I wonder why I’m hated. I haven’t done anything wrong.” Hmm. Bex has missed a few tips on how to get along with people etc I think. Darnell steals a comb. Then they all go outside and Kat sings. I don’t know what she’s singing, but Luke is not happy. The other housemates clap. Darnell leads a rendition of Dem Girls. You remember Dem Girls, right? Dale storms in. “Proper grates on me, like,” says Dale. OK. Because obviously, viewers would much rather sit and listen to you moan in bed. Remember, Luke and Bex yesterday painted themselves green and snogged to be ‘entertaining’. And now, the finale: Happy House/If you’re Happy and you Know It. Luke screams at them to shut up. They don’t.
Kat is doing the washing up, and crying. This is ever so sad. Dale is in the diary room, going on that people might see him on telly and say “oh, not him, has he not been evicted yet?” Well, actually, we are, so you can sleep soundly.
The time has come for Bex to be evicted. There is some kind of gasp. Apparently, they all thought Mo was going. Heaven and Hell have never looked more divided. However, as the housemates listen at the doors, they all agree that Bex “has had the best reaction yet.” Well, yeah, but this isn’t saying much. Luke is “livid and disgusted.” Mo, according to him, has got lucky. NO, LUKE, NO. 65% of the public didn’t like Bex, OK? Does he think we are stupid? OK, so we only see edited ‘highlights’, but we do see what people are saying about each other and behind backs, which Luke is not always privy to. WE MADE OUR CHOICE. Now Luke witters about liking Bex. “I’m fighting back tears,” he says, but I don’t care.
In the heaven bedroom, no one can believe that Mo didn’t get evicted. Luke is being a biyatch. Rex tells him that Bex has gone because she is/was disliked, and therefore he should stop moaning about everyone. “It’s not their fault Bex is gone,” he reasons. Later, Luke tells Stu and dale what Rex said. “Who is he to tell me what to say” etc, he whines. Stu and Dale both side with Rex though, stating that if he has a problem with someone, he should tell them, rather than moaning behind everyone’s backs. It is very interesting, if transparent, that Stu and dale side with things Rex says now he has survived two evictions.
Dale is given booze for hell and heaven, because he managed to complete the shopping budget, or some other spurious reason. “Good one,Big Brother,” he says. “I wanna be hated.” Er, you are. And when you are up for eviction, your kamikaze plans will be proved. Now he tells Maysoon she is boring. Outside, Mo is mooning over Maysoon, and Sara says Darnell wouldn’t date her in the outside world. Yeah, just like it wasn’t his c8ck rather than his microphone in his pants last week.
“The house is as flat as a witch’s tit,” says Dale, TALKING ABOUT BEX BEHIND HER BACK AGAIN ROFL. But in all seriousness, what? I don’t get that comparison. Stu and Dale hate the others’ singing. Stu does an impression of a song I have never heard Mo sing. Oh, that pesky editing again! “I just wanna make sure I enjoy every minute from now on,” says an apparently calmer Darnell. I used to like Darnell until recently. Let’s hope he can revert.
