That’s Not My Name, by The Ting Tings.
Do you ever get Deja Vu? I do. I had it tonight, when I saw Rex’s girlfriend (who I will, incidentally, for the remainder of this post, refuse to call by her name. She’s Rex’s Girlfriend). Anyway, she’s later. We start earlier, with Rex sleeping in. Gosh, he isn’t happy in the house, is he? I wonder if there’s anything that could be done to cheer him up. He does find some comedy solace: staying silent whilst a blind man searches for him. Rex and Sara then have a chat with his girlfriend. He makes her sound lovely! I hope I never meet him. Lisa then ’suggests’ that Mario will make Rex “look like a lad”. This might mean that he’ll go for his bum. I wouldn’t be shocked. Rex thinks that it’s a threat. “OOh, I’ll make you look like a lad!” shouted the aggressive man outside the pub, brandishing a broken glass! Speaking of broken, meet Lisa. She’s so downtrodden and needs picking up. Rex yams on about his girlfriend again the diary room. Why? How convenient!
Kat is nice, and Darnell hates that. I can’t imagine that, being so jaded you hate joy. Hating Kat is like hating Christmas, or biscuits. It’s just wrong. Lisa discusses the implications of the word “lad” as a threat with Big Brother, and says that she can see how it could be “misinterpretenated”. Stuart claims he was the best in all the sports which made him unpopular (?) and this made me him want to get female attention by working out. Oh, I don’t know. He has the mental agility of a sparrow, so I shan’t dwell on it. He has slept with “below 20″ people – Sara says “below 20″ incredulous, like that’s so far below her own vaginal-toll that it’s almost unthinkable – which is convenient, as I think that’s about as high as he can count. Darnell wants to know about nude beaches. He is very close to Sara. I’ll bet he’s sexually excited almost constantly. Rex finds the word Apt hilarious. How very Apt. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Luke is leaving, which is nice. Thank God he wore that suit every day, eh? Luke hugs everyone and tells Mikey to watch his back. YAAAAAAAWN. Luke thinks that Rachel is the devil, insulting everyone in the diary room. ROFL etc. Rex’s reaction when he sees his girlfriend is priceless. It’s like the perfect double-take. And now, my Deja-Vu. Rex’s Girlfriend looks like EVERY SINGLE SLIGHTLY PRETTY BLONDE GIRL TO EVER BE IN THE BIG BROTHER HOUSE. She’s NushStephChantelleKateChanelleAllTheRestOfThem. But Rex looks happy, eh? “I missed your smell so much,” Rex tells her. “I got a different perfume, but it smells the same,” she replies. He didn’t mean that smell, dear. Rachel and Kat watch Rex and his girlfriend swoon, like they are sitting in front of a Marion Keyes novel being re-enacted in real life. She’s a bit posh, actually. Monied, I’ll wager. She is denied her suitcase as she crossed the divide to be with Rex in heaven.
THEN! My favourite moment of Big Brother so far: Dale walks in on Lisa having a poo. SUPERB. Lisa then announces that she’s leaving. She breaks a security door handle like a terrifying strongwoman and stands in a tiny hut and claps and laughs. She then turns around and goes back in after having a nice sit down. Lisa describes herself as “The Scarlet Pimpernel”. It must be the trousers. “I’m a bit mad,” she tells them when the housemates greet her back. Rex and Dale then get their cocks out to discuss whose girlfriend is “fitter”. Dale, pet, it isn’t Jen. Sorry.
Rex meets his girlfriend at the divide. He’s paranoid, now she’s here, being super clingy and worried and other less-than attractive things. This can only end really, really well.
