Puppetry of the Meanest

A puppetshow later! Hoorah. But firstly, Nicole Rex’s Girlfriend thinks Rex’s hair looks like  a cone. Darnell is still embarrassed because of his shenanigans with Sara two nights ago. OH NO. “My breath is stinking,” he says as she tries to hug him and make it better. Lisa has started getting grey hairs! Hurrah. She doesn’t mention where, however, but she does tale fish oils. (From Mario’s ever ready fish sac, I presume.) Mikey has a stomach ache “Like a storm gathering. I can feel it making jobbies.” UGH.

Mo wants some sandals or flipflops, as walking barefoot is “unhygienic”. How about some socks or shoes, Mo? “I a dream scenario, what colour would they be?” asks Big Brother, trying to be a wit. Mo offers to swap a pair of “pant” for them. In the main house, Rex is trying to get information from Nicole. She does not want to get into trouble as she wants her suitcase. Rex looks cross. I think he thinks she has sold a story on him, or something. She tells her support group outside of her woes. “Yeah,” says Kat, knowledgeably. Nicole goes to the diary room and says some boring things. Oh, why is she even in the house? I just don’t get it. It’s singled out Rex and made him even more of a leader than before, which is pointless. At least she is “proud” of being Rex’s girlfriend. Mikey is stirring about noms. “It could be seven different people again this week,” he says. Mo offers two belts and a picture of himself, as well as some big white pants (“I’ve only got two pairs left now - these are clean as well,” he states, making a nation ill) for his flipflops. Now Nicole is crying outside. “I’ve given you enough,” she says. OH NO, this is like every break up conversation ever. Except they don’t, more’s the pity.  

Finally, puppets! They watch some quite amazing puppetry on TV and seem confused. The hell housemates have to perform puppet shows in demand, using puppets with housemates’ face stuck on. Heaven housemates must perform a la the TV. Now people are going on about the task, and which bits they should do. OH. SHUT UP. Dale is being offensive/stupid to Sara. I like Sara. This makes me sad. The housemates still don’t know who is up for eviction, you know, so Dale is not being offensive due to ’stress’ (although lack of fanny may have caused him some intermittent turmoil). The hell housemates run into the puppet theatre to do a little puppetry. It is not actually that funny, although Kat does a spot-on impression of Rex and Dale. And now, time for the housemates to find out who is up. DALE and STUART, as we found out yesterday. Darnell looks surprised. “You finally got what you wanted,” says Rex to Dale, but we know really that he just wants some validation – that he won’t get. Oh my, the look on his face on Friday… But I digress. Heaven housemates get back to practising their task. This does actually look time-consuming, and fun. Kat is cooking. “It won’t be long, darling,” she sings.

Stu thinks he is going because Dale “has the female vote”. Yes, because all women love being described as “fanny”. What the hell is wrong with the housemates this year? They think they are so savvy, but they have absolutely no understanding of what we are thinking. “Rex’s girlfriend will know who’ll go,” says Dale. Will she? I’m not so sure. Mo goes to collect his socks and sandals. He must wear them at all times. Big Bro has given him silver wedges and pink socks. I don’t know why – he’ll break his ankle is 6 seconds flat in my estimation. Hell housemates are again doing their puppet show. Mikey depicts Darnell as a s8x-mad w8nker. Sara is appalled that he did his deed in the shower. So were we all.

Apparently, Rachel had naked showers to begin with, as Darnell still does. “I see your sausage so many time I bored of it,” Kat says of Darnell’s schlong. “Is it big?” Mikey asks. “No really. Like a chipolata,” she replies. But Rachel is right: there is a frosted glass panel in their shower so we wouldn’t have seen anything. Not that I want to see Rachel’s boobs. Anyway. Mikey needs to put his finger in his ear because everyone screams and shouts. NOW YOU KNOW HOW WE FEEL WHEN YOU’RE ON THE TELLY. Now it is night-time and Darnell is getting silly, putting talc over Sara’s bum. IS it really talc, Darnell? Perhaps it is his secret puff he has emitted onto her, like an octopus’ ink. Sara slaps his bum back. “You’re so cute,” she says. Darnell calls her “fresh booty.” I don’t know why. Now Mo gets up and thinks Sara said he couldn’t do the task. Brilliant. This is how I want this episode to end, of course. Big Brother makes the housemates do three puppet shows in  a row. Monotony, indeed.