Plates of Peril
Last night, I was apparently not hard enough on Rex. I think I will be tonight, if the teaser clips are anything to go by. Anyway. Poor Nicole and Kat, playing puppets in the early morning and sounding ill. As the others get up (apart from Rex, who is accosted by Rachel and a mop but refuses to get up and charmingly says he’ll “put that mop up (Rachel’s) arse), Nicole and Kat clean the kitchen. Mikey spills the milk saved for the morning’s coffees and teas. Oops. Still cleaning, but now Rex is up. Hooray. She’s too busy washing up to say hello. (She’ll be sorry she even bothered, by the end of this evening.) “Are you talking to me this morning,” he parps. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she says. “I’m not happy. I’m so p8ssed off. I’ve had enough.” OK. She’s been in there five days. “What is your problem? You’re weird!” he shouts. He storms off. Now, this is reason for me to pick on Rex. She’s clearly tired, however silly she’s being. His attack is unjustified. She goes for a cigarette, and he follows. “This is hard, she says.” Oh, I shan’t type up all the little accusations and cuts they snipe at each other. They are both tired, and both tw8ts. Now he’s apologising. But it’s too late. She’ll go soon, and then he will. It’s ruined.
Later, Sara will give Darnell a head massage! Hooray. Stu thinks Rachel is too nice as head of house. Heaven housemates are practising their table tennis game. It looks good, actually. Good task, for once, BB. Mikey is doing a puppet show to himself. It is not funny – rather, more scary – like pouring out your Shreddies only to find a spider living in the box. Kat catches him, and seems frightened. Sara is getting stressed about the task. Nicole and Mikey are doing another puppets show, only this time as part of the task. Nicole is playing Rex. But he is in the diary room, telling BB, in so many words, that he doesn’t want her in there. Now the heaven housemates do their task. It is actually really good indeed, although there was a weird bit in the middle where it looked like someone – I’m not sure who – forgot what to do.
And now it is the results. Heaven housemates passed, as I had hoped. Hell housemates have also passed, so next week will be a luxury budget. Why is there a plate with ‘peril’ written on it? Oh, I see. Hell housemates must wash up the peril plates. This is because Rachel tried to help with the washing up, but as she is in heaven she is not allowed to. Oh, do you really care? You really want the deets? I don’t think you do. Now Lisa, Rex and Dale are being mean about Rachel because she shouldn’t have helped, blah blah. BB won’t give the hell housemates hot water, so they’ll have an awful time of scrubbing them. Rex thinks that if hell housemates manage to do the plates, they will have a party, so he is irate. he is also annoyed, according to Nicole, because she got his top dirty. OH DEAR. “Don’t worry about it, mate, whatever,” says Sara. Later, Rachel is called to the diary room. There is a Chinese takeaway and drinks for heaven housemates. Will she take it in? She does. Nicole looks murderous as Rex scoffs prawn crackers. Stu eats ribs like Henry VIII with bulimia. Nicole goes to lie on the floor. Rex puts his hand through but she is not having it. I KNOW WHAT THEY NEED! THE SHEET WITH THE LINE ON IT FROM DRAGONS’ DEN! She is crying now. OH NO. Kat comforts her in the bedroom. “What’s she upset about? The pots?” leers Lisa. But I think she’s just had enough – or, as Rex puts it, “princesses don’t live in hell.” But he feels “it’s a valuable lesson for her to learn.” UGH. But Nicole is upset because Rex is being a tool, she doesn’t have her suitcase, and she wants a shower.
Heaven housemates a writhing, full of MSG and booze, in the pool. But, oh, wait, Rex and Nicole are inside, alone. This can only end well, right? Rex is scoffing still. Kat and Mikey seem perturbed at this particular ill wind that’s blowing. Rex “can’t handle being here.” Then he tells Nicole she shouldn’t be there. She storms off, and tries to go to the diary room, but what’s this? He says he didn’t tell her he didn’t want her to be there! But we heard it! So… The argument is circular and boring. It goes nowhere. He strops off, and she doesn’t get to the diary room after all.
SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE, PRODUCERS? YOU’VE SPOILT IT ALL! This crud is directly affecting all the other housemates, plus eating into our viewing time by making the highlights the Rex&Nicole story. This is NOT what I wanted to watch. Round of applause once again: this is another way to kill a series.
