White Pubes Are Less Visible On Porcelain Than Proper Dark-Coloured Ones.
Rex is such a wind-up merchant to Sara! He winds her up about her antics with Darnell in the pool – the very same antics that kept audiences rapt. I wouldn’t know: This particular branch of Big Bother Towers didn’t watch it. Why? Because of THIS. Rex lies next to his girlfriend and gropes her boob and then thinks that she’s pissed off with him when she’s just a bit funny about boob size and he is a pathetic excuse for a human being. He then talks about how he has a lovely big pen¡s. UGH. That then turns into an argument about immaturity and blah blah blah. GET REX OUT is my prediction for later tonight. We shall see. Nicole tells Rex that she’s “had it”, and then says “bye bye.” IS THIS IT? Are the nation’s sweethearts crumbling before our eyes?
This year feels so long, and I’m so tired. Imagine me as a tired old man (me) in a post-apocalyptic wasteland (Channel 4, with the exception of anything that Kevin McLeod does) nurturing my last cup of water (Big Brother) only that water is brown and muddied with excrement (the housemates), and I nurture it for far far far too long (the length of this year’s BB). Remember the exciting, fun days of Denny and the Mooslim argument and that whole fake marriage? I do. I remember them because recently I’m watching people whine and cry and argue and whimper like dogs kicked when they are offered £1million worth of food under the table.
Davina makes a joke about Darnell having a w*nk. That would be the most exciting thing to ever happen this year, surely, his stark white member being beaten in a furious rage of sexual deprivation and confused racial tension? In real life (HAH!) Geordie Marcus The V/O Man tells us that it’s been 44 minutes since Rex and Nicole had an argument, because we are all counting. We don’t care. Would anyone care if BB replaced all the housemates bar Kat and Darnell and Sara (those last two solely because it’s great watching a car crash, right?) – would we actually give a damn? Stick Vanessa Feltz in the house, or wheel out that scary man from the horse racing shows with the timid wife. Anything. ANYTHING TO MAKE THIS MORE EXCITING. Oh, here we go: Darnell talks about his erections when hugging Sara. He is awful at declaring his attraction. “You give me an erection” is a dreadful chatup line.
Everyone laughs at Dale. Maybe the booing when he leaves will be motivation to him to kill himself? Just a thought. Here’s another thought, as Darnell cleans the loo: you’d never wonder which pubes in the sink were his, would you?
“Oh, I look proper ugly,” says Dale, lying for sympathy and reinforcement of his ego. C*nt. “You make the ugly people feel like shit,” Darnell says, his heart clearly breaking as Sara wants none of him. Poor chap. There’s lots of mystery prizes. Hearing Geordie Marcus say “Crocodile Tails” is the best thing in the world. Nicole brings the mystery prizes out of the larder and the men grab at her like drunkard babies lunging at teats. Rex steals a voucher to get some dry cleaning (yawn) and everyone goes insane that he got another voucher. “Why are you so selfish?” asks Mikey, and he replies with “because I’m a selfish bastard.” Which is logic you cannot argue with, really. Rachel gets a message from home, and we meet her lug-headed boyfriend and half-sister.
Oh look! The crowd are chanting to GET REX OUT. Shocker.
Kat spells three words to describe either a cat, or Kat herself, I’m not sure – MINX, EXOTIC and… WHAT WAS THE THIRD ONE? BIG BROTHER EDITED IT! I’ll bet it was PAEDOPHILE. I can’t think of any other word it could be. Rex and Nicole are lying next to each other on the floor at the divide, so I just switch off for a while and start thinking about Bunnies and Hitler and other things like that. Sara dyes her moustache and looks oddly feline whilst she has the dye on. Darnell then says that he hates himself, which is also a way of chatting up Sara. He’s a 13 year old boy, really. Lisa drives this conversation like a regular Cilla Black, and asks what would make Darnell happy. “A wife, a child,” he says, showing how sensitive he is. “Mine would be a husband and kids,” says Sara. WAIT A MINUTE! “Life’s what you make it,” says Lisa, no doubt referencing the classic Talk Talk song, recently covered by Weezer as a bonus track on their Red Album.
Anyway, leaving tonight is…
Dale. Big shock. Join us in half an hour when he will no doubt nail some fanny to a wall or something.
