Bathing Beasties
Oh look! On the preview it looks like Rex and Nicole will break up! Because of course, they will. I mean, we wouldn’t have heard anything, right? It’s all break on pre-recorded Big Brother’s broadcast, right? Seriously, producers: this trick is old. Leave it out.
Nicole thinks Kat is childish, which is ironic. OMG, I think Rex shaves his armpits. How weird. I was watching the Olympics this morning, and was interested to note that German and Brazilian male gymnasts shaved their armpits, whereas Chinese, Japanese and Russian male gymnasts did not. So, perhaps Rex is German or Brazilian. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Nicole admits that she is spoilt whilst in the diary room. Oh, really? I hadn’t noticed.
The housemates don their cleaning overalls for the weeky clean of the house. I bet the BB house smells a bit. I bet the toilet is abhorrent. Mo smokes whilst cleaning, which is de rigeur for the cleaner I keep seeing in my local city centre, but apparently this is not allowed. Later, Darnell has his bath. Rex fiddles with Nicole’s boobs. OH THIS IS SO EROTIC GIVE ME A MINUTE WHILE I HAVE A LIE DOWN. Ugh, as if. They are the least sexy couple after Lisa and Mario I have ever seen on TV.
Whoever survives Friday’s eviction will get a ‘favourite things’ party. Rachel is asked what her favourite music is. “Britney Spears,” she exclaims, which would be fine except she follows this statement with “You know that one, I Love Rock and Roll?” UGH. Why does she have no general knowledge of anything? Do you remember when she said there were 52 days in a year? Well, I do. Big Bother hates things like that. HATES THEM.
Oh dear. Lisa is probably safest sunbathing in the garden, even though she jumps as NOTHING flies past her, because in the main house Nicole declares there should be capital punishment in the UK. Darnell knows someone who has 20 life sentences, “to set an example”. I wonder what this ‘friend’ of Darnell’s actually did? n the bedroom, Rachel discloses that she used to dream of being in BB. Did she dream of embarrassing herself on BB because she is boring and stupid, and thus losing her job in the real world? No? Oh well. Mikey has named Nicole “Nippy Nicole”. This is nothing to do with her breasts, and everything to do with Mikey, a la Kevin Bishop, thinking that a stupid word = funny, even if the content is not. Kat and Stu do weights in the pool. “I’m gon be size 6!” shrieks Kat, but I think this must either be a lie or a joke. Sara plucks Stu’s eyebrows whilst lying on top of him. He says he’s scared, but I think some other part of him in as unscared as it’s possible to be.
Kat gives Rex some relationship advice. Nicole never cooks for him. Oh, boo hoo. “You should have a chat about it,” says Kat. “She only gets worse!” says Rex. “You have to compromise,” says Kat. UGH. Poor Kat. She is being very sensible whilst all Rex says is a nonsense. If Nicole is as bad as he says, why stay with her? “I’ve broken up with her twice before,” he says. That is no excuse to go back, right? This is like Stu going on about wanting to leave the house, when clearly he wants (wanted!) to win. Now Nicole is in the bedroom with Rex. “Stop making me look bad. I’m not a wife who does everything for a man.” Nicole is only 19. I feel oddly sorry for her. “A relationship’s never going to be perfect, Rex.” “You’re not willing to change!” Rex says to his bedding. Oh oh oh what is the point? Nicole’s entry into the house was a pointless venture, unless the producers knew that it would make Rex look bad and they didn’t want him to win.
The reward for the housemates’ cleaning session (eh? I don’t get rewarded for dusting an vacuuming!) is a bath hamper, full of delights. The products must be returned after the eviction. So of course, they tw8t about with all the products. HOW HIRARIOUS. Darnell gets new hair, a beard, and some eyebrows from his shaving foam. Kat’s boob falls out of her bikini and Darnell and Mikey share a bath and loofah each others’ heads. If you hadn’t seen this, you’d think I was making it up, right? Well, I’m not. Waiting for the eviction results, Rex and Nicole argue because Nicole won’t tell Rex anything about what the press have been saying about him and her. I think he was accusing her of seeing other people or people selling their stories about them, but unhelpfully, the powers that be have cut the conversation that led to the fall-out.
Anyway, finally, Stuart leaves. “More of Wales must have TVs than I thought,” says Rex. What the hell is Lisa wearing? Some kind of orange gogo dress with lace tights – she looks like a circus hooker. Nicole tells Rex, in a bad move, that she wanted Stu to stay over Rachel. “Why would you say that?” he flares. Now Rachel is getting her ‘favourite things’ party. She must pick her favourite housemates to join her. She picks Kat, and they allez off to the BB discotheque. It is a room plastered with vile coloured tiles and full of food. Marmite sandwiches. Chicken. Weird. Rachel and Kat dance together and by themselves. It’s an odd and somewhat frightening, soulless sight. The smokers discuss who Sara fancies, out of Mo and Darnell. “I think it’s me, ‘cos you kissed me,” says Mo. Later, BB asks Sara if she’ll miss Stu. UGH. He’s gone. Let’s just leave it. Nicole and Rex are w8nking under the covers again. All’s well that ends wet well, huh?
By the way, sorry for the lateness of this post. I was crying over Stuart busy.
