Thrill – Her

Oh listen! The housemates are awoken by Thriller! I love Thriller. Darnell is so excited he leaps out of bed and his willy flops about. Lisa is doing the dance. Little does she know how much she may come to hate the dance by the end of the week. “I look like a zombie in the morning,” says Lisa. But no, Lisa, you actually look worse with your trowels of brown make up on. I can’t articulate enough how much I hate brown make up. “I’m quite funny looking, aren’t I,” says Lisa.

So, the task this week is to learn the Thriller dance, and become zombies. I was going to make some joke about part of the task also being to change your skin colour from black to white but I think, with Darnell in the house, that’d be flying close to the wind, right? Or some joke about part of the task being to ply kids with Jesus juice then have a sleepover… But with Rachel in there, I’m just going to keep schtum. Rex is the choreographer, which is weird, but I guess it’s because he’s head of house. One housemate has to take on the role of Michael in the video. Darnell is practically crying with desire for the part. But Rex gives it to Nicole. This is only going to end badly. (I might do a search in the minute to see how many times I’ve typed that in the last eleven weeks.)

So Rex has to explain to Mikey how everyone is moving, because obviously HE CAN’T SEE. Rex and Mikey both seem unhappy with this arrangement. Rex is irked, and Nicole is being mean because some people aren’t doing it to her standards. “She’s leadingthe dance,” says Rex to Mo, who is becoming annoyed. “I’ve f-inggot it,” says Mo. But when Rex challenges him, he won’t do it. “You’ve got a stick stuck up your arse!” says Rex, apropos of nothing. Gah, if Rex wasn’t head of house he’d be out on his ear this Friday. Lisa is terrifying at the dance, and seems to be doing some kind of vulture-with-a-dislocated jaw impression. Rex seems to think that Mikey is incapable of doing the dance. Nicole says she is the only one who will be able to do the dance perfectly, which is a LIE. “You’re so sexy,” says Rex, which is disturbing because Nicole is in her Michael Jackson garb. “Because of his disability, he has no sense of direction,” says Rex of Mikey when in the diary room. Really? And are you sure of that, Rex? “If Michael thinks he is unable to do the task, Michael should come and tell the diary room himself,” says Big Brother, vaguely tersely. “Basic budget,” says Nicole, like it is some kind of adage. Oh dear. Mikey is wandering around everywhere as they pratice. However, if what Big Brother says is true, the housemates are being judged on their efforts. So basically, it doesn’t matter what they do – they will pass or fail on the whim of Big Brother (and whether they think the housemates would be bettr viewing hungry or drunk). But it’s OK, because Darnell loves the task! “I would have had Mo as Micheal Jackson. He’s the best dancer in the house. It would look right. Now he looks like a token guy in the corner,” says Darnell.  

Mieky is finding it hard to do the dance, plus he’s finding Nicole and Rex’s comments difficult. “You pair aren’t explaining sh8t,” he says. “Be more pacific.” “I’m not used to teaching,” says Rex. In the end, Lisa sensibly explains the moves. I’m not a Mikey fan, but come on. He’s only got a chance of doing the task if it’s explained to him. Sara looks very good in a hat. I think they will pass this task. In the midst of all this, Big Brother tells the housemates the nomination results. Kat is scared. Nicole and Sara profess to know who is up, but that can’t be true. Lisa looks kind of annoyed, and kind of like she was expecting it. Sara and Nicole are glazed. No one speaks for a long time. “Little f8ckers,” says Rex. “I think I’m going to leave anyway, tomorrow,” says Nicole, but as far as I know, she hasn’t left yet. “Girls don’t like girls like Nicole,” says Mikey to both Rex and Nicole. Rex and Nicole now call Mikey ‘Michael’. “They’re high-maintenance… Stuck up their own arses.” Ha! Mikey also tells the diary room that he doesn’t like Nicole or Rex’s negative attitude toward him. “I’m doing the task, whether they like it or not,” he says. Outside, Nicole accuses Rex of being nice to everyone, which is how he has stayed. Wrong, wrong, and wrong!

Now Rachel is explainingthe moves to Mikey. “Feel my hips!” she commands. “You like the groin one!” Rex and Nicole are still smoking outside, and Rex drinks wine from the bottle. That thing about girls hatinggirls and voting them out of reality TV shows is being bandied about. No, that is not true. It’s just that the sort of girls who often go onto these sort of programmes are quite hateful. Sara is getting angry about Rex inside. “Lately, he’s not been nice to me at all. Actually, the more I think about it, it’s since Nicole came in.” She always used to give him cigarettes too. It’s obvious that Rex is proving something to Nicole in his treatment of Sara, and that has been clear for the last week or so. “Everything’s remembered,” says Lisa, not very subtley. Sara goes to the diary room. “I’m a lost cause. I’m probably irritating. I irritate myself.”

But we know she’s not going, right?