Something I Knocked Out Whilst Watching Today’s BB.

Katreya and Rex have discussion today

About Sara’s job, which is of PA,

“I could not do it!” Young Kat then proclaims,

And Rex likens cooking to flying large planes.

Then Rex and Sara put lit cigs in their lips,

And Sara makes a big Freudian slip,

“Oh Stuart,” she says, when Darnell was meant,

And then she worries her love life is spent.

In the posh bedroom blind Mikey sings Drury,

And Rachel sings too, but sounds very dreary,

Whilst in the lounge, house head Mo has naps,

And blames it on Rex when BB attacks.  

“Get off of your bed!” Mo shouts at blind Mikey,

“What a shit head of house,” yells Sara, “and Crikey! 

To be head of house is something I crave!

And all I must do is act like a slave!”

Alongside Thai Kat they must wear uniforms,

And do everything with no glimpse of scorn,

And wait on the others not dressed as French Maids,

With no pension plan, and no penny of pay.

Kat covers the chicken in gluttons of salt,

Pouring and pouring, but it’s not her fault,

She isn’t a chef! She only likes cookies!

(And, looking at her, between the legs nookie!)

Now ex-head of house all give little speeches,

And Rex’s insults Mo Mohammed, impeaches

His reign as the head, and calls him so greedy,

But Mo as we know is just very needy,

He takes food as replacement for starving affections,

And nobody listens when he makes reparations.

Rachel, the teacher, discuss the leaves,

And how little spiders use them as reprieve 

From the terrible rain that’s pouring outside, 

And onto the astroturf Darnell changes the tide,

By pouring fairy liquid all over the place,

It bubble and froths and Rex nudges his face

With a brush that is then used to froth up the fairy,

Till D jumps in the pool, a little bit lairy.

“Your Mic!” they all cry, and Darnell swears a bit,

“I forgot it was on! Oh big balls! Oh big shit!”

So he’s called to the Diary Room for a strict telling off,

And he acts all blase, like “So what, dude, just f*ck off!”

He goes to the bathroom for a bit of fake tan,

Agreeing to do it when Sara gets her hands

All over his buttocks, all over his bum,

“I might get an erection if I’m having fun!” 

It looks like they’re smearing his backside with poo,

Which is somewhat reversed, just mildly askew,

But nobody’s willing to rub in his crack,

And really, who blames them? Who knows what they’d catch?

“Did you not get your sack done?” asks Mikey the perve

“You’re a real black man now!” he follows, with nerve.

All ex-heads of house gather in BB’s room,

And Sara and Kat wonder if this spells gloom,

That maybe somebody is getting evicted,

And Sara is convinced it’s her, that she’s picked it,

So when Rex reappears and says “We can’t say a word,”

Sara’s so nervous and near drops a turd. 

Then Kat and Darnell have a fight, causing friction

About Darnell’s putting Kat up for fake eviction,

She stands in the doorway and cries like Blair Witch

And Darnell lies on the sofa and has a good bitch.

“I’ve killed myself enough!” he shouts, melodramatic

“Fuck this shit,” he yells, and Kat cries, it’s tragic.

“I see this as Kat making me look real bad,

She’s playing a game, and I’m out, I’ve been had,” 

D shouts at BB, “She’s really so clever,

I can’t win against her, not today, not ever!”

I don’t think it’s her though, young Darnell, old buddy,

I think it’s the fact that you acted so cruddy,

To Sara – remember? – a few days ago,

But it’s nice to have excuses to soften the blow.