2! 1! A Chat About The Final!

Lady Bother: So, I am very unexcited

Lord Bother: I am

Lord Bother too. UGH MIKEY RACHEL WHAT A FUCKING PALAVER

Lady Bother: I know. What a pointless Lord Botherss

Lord Bother: This is so underwhelming

Lady Bother: I like Davina’s dress though

I know

Lord Bother: She looks like a sparkly curtain

Lady Bother: Ha! I like ot

Lord Bother: You would

Lady Bother: They are both being booed!

This is a joke

Lord Bother: I’ve never known a final where the winner is just as hated as they are loved

Lady Bother: Nope. This really should be the last series of BB. We’ve had enough now

This proves it

Lord Bother: Yeah.

And this bit here – with Sara leaving – this is just desperately unexciting, right?

Lady Bother: Yes, and also sad because she doesn’t deserve to lose to that pair of twats

At least she is cheered, though

Lord Bother: Do you love her top?

Lady Bother: YES! But she has worn it every eviction night, so it is not a surprise

Still, I like it

Lord Bother: No. It’s like an old chum

She keeps making little whimpering noises.

Lady Bother: Yes. I hope something nice happens to Sara. I know she was weird with Darnell at the end, but I think she is the least exacting/most naive of this year’s bunch

Lord Bother: Above Kat? Have you bought into the ‘Kat is a schemer” thing?

Lady Bother: No, but Kat will do well whatever, you know? Whereas without BB, perhaps Sara would not have done

Lord Bother: True.

But she’s a PA! What a difficult job!

Lady Bother: I don’t know. I think I’m being overly sympathetic because I like her dress

Lord Bother: Ha!

I hate this singing banker.

He’s got such a Lord Botherdiocre voice.

And I hate that CG bit with him on the ship

Lady Bother: Me. And Howard on the surf board. Well, now it’s the ad break I can tell you my news

Lord Bother: Yes?

Lady Bother: I am going to audition for BB (if they ever make another series)

Lord Bother: HA HA HA!

Lady Bother: It’s true. It would solve all my problems. Anyway, back to Sara

God, I love hre voice

Darnell is shouting at her! What’s he saying?

Lord Bother: Watching Sara lead Darnell on is fun

Lady Bother: Ha, that VT was a bit sad, yeah?

Never mind, I’m sure I’ll see Darnell falling out of Chinawhites with Rex in the near future

He doesn’t need Sara

Lord Bother: Sara is breaking Darnell’s heart right here.

Lady Bother: Yes

But I do hate the way Davina always goes down this sort of shitty romance track in interviews

There’s loads more stuff she could ask her

Lord Bother: I know. They’re so desperate for romances! God knows why.

MIKEY IS THE FUNNIEST GUY?!?!

HA HA!

Lady Bother: I wonder if it’s just Davina’s ’streetmate’ instinct

What are you laughing at? That she wants Mikey to win>

Lord Bother: No, the concept of him being funny, in any way.

Lady Bother: HA!

But that guide dog joke was funny, right? RIGHT?

Lord Bother: Ha. No.

I love that Sara thinks she has a funny voice.

Lady Bother: I know, her voice is like a weird dream

Lord Bother: “I WAS NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!”

Lady Bother: HA!

Do you think it was winning that £25 K that swung her into 3rd place, rather than 1st?

Lord Bother: She has such a big mouth. A mouth like a slashed handbag, my dad would say.

Lady Bother: That’s why she looks like Angelina, obv

Lord Bother: I don’t think it was the cheque that swung it: I think it was not being BRITISH. Seriously.

Lady Bother: Yeah, that did cross my mind, although Nadia was Portuguese. Anyway: the winner!

I am so unexcited

Lord Bother: WHO WILL IT BE OH GOD I CANNOT WAIT.

Lady Bother: OH

Lord Bother: Dear fucking christ.

How did that happen?

Lady Bother: WTF has gone wrong with the world?

I have actually thrown up a little bit into my mouth

Lord Bother: She’ll be booed as well!

Lady Bother: She’ll be booed to fuck

Lord Bother: I have a shit a little in my pants.

Lady Bother: Oh well, good thing she won given that she’ll never be allowed to teach again!

Lord Bother: 2 Housemates 1 Cup: They make us eat shit, forcing us to vomit.

Lady Bother: HA

Lord Bother: AND WE LAP IT UP.

Lady Bother: Ugh, why is Mikey being cheered?

Lord Bother: Oh, no boos at all!

Very disappointing.

Lady Bother: Yes

Lord Bother: I don’t know if I’m happy he didn’t win or not.

Lady Bother: I hate this series, and I hate that I have wasted over 91 hours or maybe even more of my life watching this

I do think this is clearly the worst series since Cameron Stout won

Lord Bother: Ha! I know. We’ve been here for 91 days doing this. What could we have spent that time doing instead?

Lady Bother: HA!
I have many ideas

Lord Bother: We could have written a hit BBC coLord Botherdy series like 2 Pints of Lager.

Or that Jasper Carrot one with the Indian wife and disabled son. I’ll bet that took them this amount of time.

Lady Bother: Or become nano celebs in our own rights, and have had people writing shit about us in magazines

Lord Bother: Interesting thing number BLAH: I haven’t actually gotten too bored with those Virgin Mobile idents. They aren’t too offensive.

Lady Bother: Hm. I think they’re shit

Lord Bother: ANOTHER GORILLA ADVERT!

Ha! Cadbury’s are storking the barel.

Lady Bother: I know. Exactly the same footage and concept. Well done

We could have done that in 91 seconds

The other one was only funny because Phil Collins looks like a gorrilla

Lord Bother: Yeah. They did another one in the interim that wasn’t with a gorilla and nobody liked it so they’ve gone back to this, but it’s much worse than the first one.

Lady Bother: Yes

Oh no, and now they are putting the other one on!

Lord Bother: And another one?

Lady Bother: What is this? The worst day ever? Bad BB, bad adverts. Where’s Kevin Bishop when you need him?

Lord Bother: I can oonly assume that Cadbury booked this entire slot.

Kevin Bishop? Dead, hopefully.

Lady Bother: Ha, or trapped in Natwest wordl

He has done a new advert with them. I saw it today

Lord Bother: Or maybe he’s been kidnapped by soLord Bother of our overzealous comLord Bothernters.

Lady Bother: God, he’s talented

Yeah!

Lord Bother: Yeah. He’s 28, and the adverts he filmed before he was famous weren’t actually filmed then, but are filmed now for the cash. Good on him.

Lady Bother: Yes, he is clearly one to watch

Lord Bother: I think, on this advert about sex ed, it’s 2 girls 1 cup that the parents get shown as an example of their children’s tastes in porn.

Lady Bother: Yes! I meant to say that to you earlier, but I fogrot

Haha, Rachel is already getting booed

Lord Bother: Mikey is a disaster.

Lady Bother: He is wrong

Lord Bother: He isn’t even looking at Davina as she talks to him!

OH WAITS

Lady Bother: I wish I’d watched Eastenders tonight instead

Lord Bother: Me too. Instead I have to wait for Sunday.

Lady Bother: Humoh

It’s better than this toss

How did we put up with it for so long>

Lord Bother: Mikey watching his best bits is really uncomfortable.

Lady Bother: Yes

He is the only one who finds himself hirarious

Ugh, Davina, he is NOT a legend

Lord Bother: It’s hateful.

Lady Bother: No wonder he’s on warnings at work

Lord Bother: Alec? Who the fuck is Alec?

Oh, Alex. MOOOOSLIM.

Lady Bother: Hahaha, I’ve been living next door to Alec

Lord Bother: I love Mikey talking about his big storylines.

Lady Bother: He is so arrogant, never mind Rex

Everyone is chanting ‘greedy Mo’!

HAha

Lord Bother: Ha! Greedy Mo is like a Meme!

Brilliant.

Lady Bother: Yes

I love it

Lord Bother: MIkey things he’s going to get some from Rachel.

Lady Bother: UGH

Lord Bother: SEXY WELSH STUNNA RACHEL

Lady Bother: That is the worst possible coupling in the world. Even worse than Katona and Jpn Lithgoe

Lord Bother: Katona and Jon Lithgow?!?!

What?

Lady Bother: Yes. It was the worst thing I could think of. That, or Nasty Nick Bateman and Edie Falco

Lord Bother: UGHHH

Lady Bother: Yes

Lord Bother: What about Mikey and Katona?

Lady Bother: Except Katona/Lithgow hasn’t happened. Yet. Katona would def. do Mikey, though

Lord Bother: FUCK! Rachel took 51.3% of the vote!

How did that happen?!

Lady Bother: What, the over 50% vote?

Lord Bother: No, the total final vote. 51.3%

It wasn’t even close.

Lady Bother: Yes, sorry. No, it’s a joke

Lord Bother: Oh. Sorry.,

Lady Bother: Why is she holding the cup as she leaves?

Lord Bother: 2 Girl.

Lady Bother: HA

You are obsessed!

Lord Bother: Gently.

Kat is clapping violently.

Lady Bother: How horrid for you

Lord Bother: I hope Rachel falls down the stairs

Lady Bother: No such luck

Lord Bother: Do you know what’s unfair? That she’s £100,000 richer and we’re both really poor.

Lady Bother: Yes. She’s won all that money for nothing at all

She wasn;t interesting, funny, or entertaining

Lord Bother: Nope.

Lady Bother: She was the Cameron Stout, as you said

A pointless and featureless housemate, who liked grapes

Lord Bother: Oh, speak of the Kevin Bishop devil.

Bloody Natwest.

Lady Bother: Oh, do you know what? if there is a BB next year, I don’t think I’ll watch

Lord Bother: No, you’ll be on it.

Lady Bother: I am actually angry

Lord Bother: Lord Bother too.

But then, for the result we cannot blame the BB Producers: we should blame the idiots who voted.

Lady Bother: Yes, but it’s not just that. In all honesty, there were only a handful of housemates who I wouldn’t have minded winning, but I had few strong feelings about it

That’s not the way it should be

Lord Bother: Yeah, but you liked Dennis, let’s not forget.

Lady Bother: Haha, he was quite funny

But my point is it’s bad casting

Lord Bother: Rachel is such a prat.

Lady Bother: I knoq

Lord Bother: Oh, so it was neck and neck with Mikey thenm

Lady Bother: Even so

Lord Bother: I am slightly satisfied, though: this is a win for God, don’t forget.

Lady Bother: HA! Oh, she hasn’t really had a difficult time. Why is Davina making such a meal of this?

I bet Mario is cross

Lord Bother: Yeah. I hope he storms the stage Rambo style and tears her head off.

Lady Bother: ha! We can but dream

Lord Bother: I love Mario and Lisa’a slightly matching outfits.

Lady Bother: Ha! And Lisa’s leopard top

“Were you being the real you?” Honest answer: no

Lord Bother: Well, we know she wasn’t.

Lady Bother: I knoq

Lord Bother: I love that Luke think she’s just fulfilled her gameplan.

Lady Bother: Haha. Luke was right though. If you don’t cause a storm, you won’t be put up for eviction, so the public can’t get you out

Lord Bother: What an exciting interview!

That was thrilling.

Lady Bother: I am so bored I might go and google two girls, one cup

Lord Bother: HA!

Rachel’s best bits are like watching filmed BLAND

Lady Bother: Well, things will look up when I’m on BB next year!

Lord Bother: Also, who says Bestest?

Lady Bother: Wankers

Lord Bother: True dat.

Baddy Bs

Lady Bother: HA!

So, do you feel relieved that it’s over?

Lord Bother: YEah.

Lady Bother: Lord Bother too

Lord Bother: Now I don’t need to stay up until 11.

This is reminding Lord Bother how great the first couple of weeks were.

Lady Bother: Yes! In was thinking the same

These highlights make it look like it was a good programme

Lord Bother: UGH I AM SO SICK OF SEEING BEX NAKED

Why bring that back and don’t show Lord Bother Dem Girlz? What’s the point?!

Lady Bother: HA! Stop googling it, then

Lord Bother: I’m not googling it: It’s burned into my retina

Lady Bother: Whatever

So, what was your favourite moment of this year’s BB?

Lord Bother: Lisa talking about ghosts/aliens/psychics

Yours?

Lady Bother: OMG my tv has crashed

Lord Bother: HA HA!

How apt.

Lady Bother: APT

My fave moment was when Lisa told the ghost story and they threw a cushion at the bedroom window

HAHAHA

Lord Bother: Yeah, that was awesome

Lady Bother: It was the best

BESTEST

Lord Bother: Right, well, I think that’s it, yeah? Anything to say to our lovely readers?

Lady Bother: Um, that if anyone knows why Darnell was wearing an eye patch yesterday, leave us a comment

And thanks for reading

We know how hard it’s been to watch this pile of shit

Let alone read about it as well

Lord Bother: Yeah, we hope you all appreciate what we went through to do this.

Lady Bother: Yeah. Thanks, though

Lord Bother: (Having said that, I’d love to write the official BB blog on the website: Producers, get in touch. We’ll do an AMAZING job.)

Lady Bother: True dat

Lord Bother: I’ll repeat this for posterity, to close this off: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner, Rachel. Dear God.

Lady Bother: Yup. OH, god, we will see you next year. Sleep well on that.