Watch the Bubbles

I would never share a bath with Sophie, even if Loaded paid me to and took pictures. Whilst sharing a bath with Rod, she farts deeply. Ew. Wow! Bea is in one stinker of a mood today. ‘You can’t even fart in this house without someone going, oh, what’s that about,’ she presciently states. Moments later, Lisa comes in and judges her egg cooking skills. Lisa seems somehow angry that Bea is making herself a fried egg. ‘You’re looking after yourself,’ she says to Bea, pointedly, then steals the last tea bag. ‘You’ve got to. No one else will,’ Bea replies. She’s in no mood for it, it seems. ‘Bea seems stressed,’ notes Siavash, later. ‘It’s sexual frustration,’ says Freddie. REALLY? SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED? Or is it just that she has to live in a house full of shit stirrers? (By the way, I’m not saying Bea isn’t a shit stirrer herself – in fact, she’s one of the worst – but still, it must be annoying to have to live with Lisa, at best.)

Now, talking of shit stirring, I have had an idea. It seems to me that Bea mostly stirs the shit between Marcus/Noirin/Siavash… And when Freddie was being all ‘sexy’ with her yesterday, she immediately complained to Siavash. Does she fancy him, do you think? Let’s ponder on that.

Noirin now wants to be friends with Marcus again, so they go and have cuddles in their little hidey hole by the pool. NOT THAT HIDEY HOLE. Disgusting. Noirin often says she will be hated on the outside world, and she seems anxious about that – so why doesn’t she stop herself? Going back to Marcus and claiming she and Siavash are ‘just friends’ is awful.

Anyway, as the HMs are really bored, they are iven a task – to perform Something Kinda Ooh (one of the best Girls Aloud – no, wait – one of the best songs ever) and Could it Be Magic by Take That as boy and girl groups. Again, BB has not bothered to outdo itself with the tasks – we like watching them do difficult dance routines, right?

By the way, Bea has just told Siavash she ‘wants to be his girlfriend’. We all know, now, that it isn’t a joke. ‘Look at me. I’m perfect for you.’ Siavash then tells Noirin that Marcus, Freddie and Bea are not ‘positive’ about their relationship. Oh dear. Siavash is ruined for me.

As they are practising their dance moves, om nom nominations are announced. Of course, we know that Marcus and Noirin are up. But their reaction? Well, oddly, it’s Siavash who gets stressed, and goes and – cries? Weeps? Grunts? – in the toilet. Ah! He thinks it’s his fault, that’s why.

Bea moans about Freddie to Siavash again. ‘He’s a bit of a drama queen,’ she tells him. Blah blah blah. At least he doesn’t stir. It’s amazing how quickly I’ve gone off her. Then she goes on about how she wants to go to bed, but can’t, because Freddie will talk to her, so she hugs Marcus, kisses Noirin (not like that), and goes out for a fag with Siavash. Never mind: Noirin claims to be ‘happy’ this evening, and is dressed as a giant bee in a yellow hoodie and hotpants, and black tights. Anyway, at the end of it all, Bea goes and lies with Freddie and chat sweetly into his ear. POISON!

At least Siavash gets his chance to talk to Marcus. Marcus doesn’t kick off or anything, but nothing really gets said. ‘You could punch me,’ suggests Siavash.