He Seems Like a Right Noddy

The cries for ‘Noirin Out!’ are almost drowning Davina’s voice – and she has a mic. Oh dear. So, yesterday’s highlights include: Noirin mopping, Siavash moping, and Isaac playing with some toilet roll. This all sounds about right. (is his name Isaac, or did I make that up? I neither know nor care.) Noirin tells Isaac that other people are ‘dramatising’ the situation and making things worse than they are for Siavash. Whatever, love. We all stopped listening to you weeks ago.  You do know, don’t you, that both Isaac and Noirin have been on reality shows before? I am so, so tired of BB doing this – getting semi-famous/known housemates in (think models, wannabe actors, people who may have released one single or had a famous boyfriend, etc). The great irony is that when Celeb BB starts, I rarely know who any of the contestants are – and they are supposed to be famous – therefore both strains of BB amount the the same thing (apart from he Ulrika moment – she must be one of the bigger household names who ever dared darken Celeb BB with her ghastly shadow).

When the cameras come back to Davina, her link for Marcus to be evicted is met with barely a whimper, whilst Noirin’s name is still booed incessantly. Interesting. Back in the house, Noirin wants to talk to Siavash. David runs out of the kitchen so he doesn’t have to bear witness to it. I have some level of empathy for the other HMs this week. The atmosphere there must be awful. ‘I think you’re a good guy.’ ‘I think you’re gorgeous, but this is three times now, Noirin.’ Poor Siavash. Not least because, as we keep stating, he has now lost his chances of winning, which previously I’d though were quite high. Anyway, she witters on about how actually, this is all Isaac’s fault, as she is still ‘head over heels with him.’ He tells her she should leave. ‘You’re not doing yourself any favours.’ She starts being idiotic, despite the fact he is actually telling her something accurate, that she should listen to. She is going to be absolutely hated tonight, when she gets out. (Let’s be honest, it’s not even going to be a close call. She’s a goner.) He tells her he feels he was part of her ‘storyline’. Freddie then walks in, and, thankfully, the conversation is over.

Marcus and Siavash are now each other’s bitter buddy. It’s an odd friendship, but I like it. Charlie, however, is an utter fucking idiot, and I hate him. I think he just said ‘This hasn’t made Noirin look that bad though,’ which is the most aggravatingly stupid thing I’ve heard in a long while. Also, he can’t add up when he’s doing the shopping list, and BB has to help him. Noirin is moaning to Noirin about how she doesn’t want to hurt Siavash’s feelings and she should go home. ‘Did I screw him over?’ ‘No,’ says Isaac. ‘So why do I feel guilty?’ ‘Because he’s making you feel guilty,’ he says. Hateful pair.

David is trying to be friendly to Isaac, going on about how much he loves America, and Isaac takes the piss, thinking that David hasn’t noticed. I think he (probably) has, but he’s too excited to care. He’s an idiot too, but in many ways he’s an old-fashioned BB contestant: he wants to be there, and he wants to have fun. Sophie’s quiet today, though, isn’t she? I suppose she only has Rod and Charlie left as her friends. I don’t think she trusts Noirin anymore. Also, what the hell is Hira actually doing in there?

So we all know that Isaac is a tit, but the worst thing is that he actually thinks Noirin might stay tonight. What rot. Bea, on the other hand, doesn’t want to be friends with Noirin, because she borrowed her top and made it smell, and doesn’t like Isaac because it’s like ‘he’s just walked out of Amercian Pie. He is a frat boy… A big lump of Amercianised arrogance.’ Oh, and she thinks Noirin is despicable. Good. I do quite like Bea’s ‘Queen Bee’ put-downs.

Now some of the HMs are going to the diary room in towels to plea for Marcus to stay. They pretend to Noirin it’s just a trick, rather than tell her. ‘Isn’t it too mean?’ asks Hira, stupidly. Even Sophie wants Marcus to stay now. This is how much Noirin is hated. So Freddie, Sophie, Bea and Siavash go and plea. It’s quite sweet, really. Charlie, of course, sits on the fence. I hope he rots on that fence. ‘Leave it up to the public,’ says Hira, having no conception that Noirin must be a horror to live with. Charlie, of course, goes straight to Noirin and tells her about the plea. ‘Didn’t you know?’ he asks, but we’re all aware that he knew she didn’t. Fucking Charlie. See what I mean? Later, Noirin says, on the back of what Charlie has told her, ‘If I stay this week I’m running fucking amok.’ Oh, just do one.

Can we just stop, for a minute? Lisa has just explained how if it wasn’t for her eyebrows, she would be a supermodel. Can we just let it sink in? Thanks. In all seriousness, I am worried that the focus on Noirin has dampened the hatred that should be going to Lisa and Charlie. Let’s keep it alive here on Big Bother.

Isaac then tells Lisa and Charlie, is retarded coded terms, that everyone in the house is an arsehole. Interestingly, he has told the right people that, but a) hasn’t included himself, and b) meant everyone else.

So, Noirin is evicted, and pretty much all the crowd boos. She tells Davina that she expected to be booed, and also that Isaac will leave. I do hope so. Judi James tells her that she has made Marcus a ‘house God.’