I’ve Not Lick Yer Arse

Rodrigo is going to meet the Queen! But, of course, he isn’t – he is going to meet a lookalike, and sing God Save the Queen to her. ‘BB is genuinely in contact with the palace,’ BB tells the other HMs, ‘but she is yet to confirm a date to meet housemates.’ What utter, utter guff. Bea and Freddie talk in the kitchen. He says, justifiably, that he will stay this Friday, in his opinion. Bea then goes straight out and tells her new best bud, Lisa, what he has said. ‘His head is up his arse,’ Lisa says.

More Bea airtime. Ridiculous, right? ‘He’s not as clever as he think he is… I’d love it if the pubic put him in his place.’ She really needs to watch out when she’s evicted next week, right? I was thinking this morning that it seemed odd last week that we had to vote to save housemates, rather than vote to evict them. If it’d been voting to evict, there’s a good chance Bea might have gone. Because it was to save, well, who’s going to ring up for Hira? Mighty suss, if you ask me, given it was last week that arguments began to restart and Bea and Freddie’s relationship started to go sour. Because if it weren’t for Bea and Freddie at the helm of the arguments, who’d be arguing? Charlie and Rodrigo? Freddie and Lisa? You see, we’ve seen those arguments before – perhaps they’re therefore less interesting? Just a thought, readers.

Anyway, Rodrgio is going to have tea with the Queen. Bea has got a bee in her bonnet about the fact that Freddie thinks there is a remote possibility that the Queen might actually come on BB. It’s all a badly veiled attempt to restart their argument AGAIN. She thinks that lying to Rodrigo about the Queen in the house being a lookalike is ‘dishonest’. Should come naturally to her then, amirite? Luckily, the show moves to Rod in the task room instead. Rod is so excited when the ‘Queen’ walks in, and sings God Save to her. They have a lovely chat. It’s all very sweet. Should we feel sorry for Rodrigo? Well, Bea said she thinks he’s been made a fool of, but I actually think that even that small amount of time when he feels great is enough to make it OK… Isn’t it? The thing is, he doesn’t know that BB is now a nadir of shit programming, shit planning and shit contestants – for him, I guess, it may be entirely plausible that the Queen would appear on BB. When he leaps out of the task room, looking uber happy, Bea seems perfectly content to pander to BB’s request to play along. Hipo, etc.

Anyway, BB decides to tell Rodrigo that he did not, in fact, meet the real Queen. He takes it quite well, and laughs. He seems quite sad at the same time, but he is more embarrassed than anything else. Anyway, they have passed the task, and they have won special prizes. Rodrigo wins a real letter from Buckingham Palace. (We know this is genuine; if you so much as sneeze your address to the Palace, they will write back to you.) He is also given a commemoration mug from the Palace, which is nice. The other prizes are letters from home for all the HMs.

More of Bea being a bitch. Marcus has a good way of dealing with her; he is reasonable, and asks her to rethink what she’s saying. She doesn’t, though. ‘I think Freddie’s a twat,’ she says. ‘I’m sorry Bea, but you will not like what happens when you get out of here,’ Marcus says, perceptively. Say what you like about Marcus: he does really know what’s going on. Then she goes on about being bullied again, and she cries. Charlie hugs her. He fucking would. Freddie then laughs at something Bea says, which he overhears, and Charlie LOVES be able to go in and have a go at him.Bea runs away and sobs.

Do you know what I think? She’s finally clicked – she knows how hated she’s going to be.