Since I Didn’t Stay In The Pack, I’m Being Hunted By The Pack.

I cannae be bathered talken aboot hae Saphie and Karlay caplain aboot Nareen, you nae? It’s in neebody’s interest.

*ahem*

Sorry, I came over all Karly, there. Anyway, my point stands: can’t be bothered writing about the complaining about Noirin, as it’s extreme and irritating. Lisa sits in the diary room and moans about her and her “He-Men” Marcus. “If I argue I’ll get kicked out,” she says. It’s interesting, I wonder how much she’s even aware of how game-planny she is?

The housemates are told that they will be taking part in a ‘Best Of” Big Brother’s challenges from throughout the years, and they have to assign themselves a year each to do the challenge – 9 years, 9 Housemates. Easy. Rodrigo wants the 2008 challenge, as that was the only one that he watched, so he sulks when he doesn’t get it. “I’ll have 2003 then!” he shouts, but Charlie ignores him as well. When the list is done everybody is happy apart from Rodrigo, who confronts Charlie, another fucking domestic argument that nobody cares about.

Freddie describes his task – the assault course from BB1 – and the housemates discuss which housemate they think he’ll be competing against. “I hope it’s that Craig!” Charlie says, doing a pelvic thrust. SADFACE! Craig – yes, it IS him – comes into the house then, and greets Freddie. Sorry, Halfwit. Craig reveals a secret: he and Freddie have been nominated the most. (People hated Craig, then stopped nominating him, and then he won. HMMMM.) Craig is a presenter now, and it shows. He chats and natters and waves at the other housemates, then semi-interviews Freddie. “What’s your best moment in the house?” he asks, and then has a little pep talk with Freddie about the public being able to keep him in. Freddie’s predictions of who could win are confused: Marcus or Charlie. Charlie could. Marcus? Not a fucking chance. Nevermind, Freddie. Good effort.

Speaking of efforts, the task begins! Craig goes first. “I’ll take my time ‘cos you need to eat!” he shouts, then does the task in one attempt. He’s pretty quick actually! Faster than Nick was in BB1. Freddie is slower than Craig, clearly – 56 seconds to Craig’s 50 – so failed his challenge. SIGH. (Incidentally, Craig could have gone even slower, but didn’t. You still have to make yourself look good when you’re on TV, eh? Good and strong and fast!)

Challenge 2! The sugar cube tower task from BB2! Lisa is competing against Dean from BB2. “Who?” ask Karly and Sophie when BB announces who it is. You remember Dean, girls! Did nothing? Sat around? Played guitar? He brings the guitar with him to spark your memory. Noirin tells us that he presents TV in Ireland. Really? Hm. Anyway, the challenge is to see if Lisa can beat Dean in building the tallent sugar cube tower in the time allotted.

(Incidentally, neither Dean or Craig have been watching this. Craig seems to have slightly more knowledge of the housemates, whereas Dean doesn’t even know what week they’re in.)

Lisa’s tower drops, so Dean knocks his over on purpose to let her win. Noble, but couldn’t he have done it with somebody better than Lisa? She doesn’t deserve any help. Noms are announced – Karly slits her eyes like a cat when she’s told, and Noirin looks bored. Freddie is elated – good for him!

Challenge 3! The Egg and Spoon race challenge. Alex, Imogen and Lee (?) do the egg and spoon race, and Rodrigo predicts that Alex will win. It’s Lee that wins by a fucking enormous margin. Rodrigo is gutted. “Why for me this task?” he asks, “I didn’t meet anyone, I watch on screen!” He isn’t thrilled. So, the housemates are 2 losses down, and that’s all they’re allowed over the week. (I think that egg and spoon race was a shit task, and really unfair, as it’s just guesswork. They shouldn’t be judged on that.)

When discussing the fact that Noirin could leave, Marcus says she has to make the most of her potential final few days. “Do lots of painting, and cuddles,” he says. She gets angry. “I don’t do cuddles,” she says. Marcus is making an idiot of himself now. I mean, he was a few days ago, but this is just pathetic. The public’ll vote you out of for this as much as they will your semi-rampant misogyny, dear.